Bucharest city tales: Guide: How to heal a broken heart in Bucharest
Columnist Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe writes in her weekly column about life as an expat in Romania. This week she writes a step by step guide to heal a broken heart when you are an expat in Bucharest.
Columnist Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe writes in her weekly column about life as an expat in Romania. This week she writes a step by step guide to heal a broken heart when you are an expat in Bucharest.
Initially this article was going to be about how it is to be a foreign woman in a relationship with a Romanian man. But life can change and suddenly the initial subject of this article Foreign woman - Romanian man had to be changed to: How to heal a broken expat heart in Romania. I am not interested in pouring out my personal life, but I think it is important to write about how you deal with life being an expat in a foreign country when changes occur. I have talked with other expats during my time here, and some have worried, "what happens if I move to Romania for love, and it doesn’t work?" Usually my response is, if you already have doubts about the love before going to Romania, and it is not the common fears, we have all been through about stepping into the unknown, then you should indeed reconsider moving here. This week column is a step by step guide, what to do, when suddenly you are there, this situation you maybe feared to end up in, and you just sit there, and feel like the loneliest person in the world. Someone told me: You have to let life move on, actually I think it should be, You have to move on in your life. And my best recommendation is: Be active. 1) Accept Accept the fact that you are in pain, you will have good days and bad days, sometimes it will feel like you take one step forward to go two steps back, and other days the opposite. This feeling of sadness will be a part of you for a while, and you will wonder "will I ever be happy again?" It is normal to feel like that, and friends have told me that I will, so I look forward to that day. 2) Going home, or should I say running home. Your first instinct thought will be to go back to your home country, even if you actually really like your life here, this is like an instinct thought that crosses the mind; take a deep breath, and instead of packing and booking a plane ticket, use Skype and call some of your friends from you native country, just to speak in your own language and to hear how life is back home will comfort you. Actually I was even thinking about saying yes to the offer I once got from the sisters from the Voronet Monastery in Bukovina, but did I really want to become a sister, The Sound of Music is a lovely but rather old movie, so I wasn’t sure this was my calling, but yes your mind will wander. 3) Call your friends When a relationship ends, you feel alone so call all your friends here in Bucharest, not to tell about what has happened, but to meet with them so you don’t sit home alone and sob. Meeting with your friends and hearing them talk about life will make you think about something else, and you will see that even if your life has changed, you are still you, and they still see you as a friend, that they appreciate. You will be surprised how much they actually care about you. 4)
Go to the seaside, being in a different place near the sea will make you feel better. I can recommend going to Mamaia, in my opinion 80 percent of the people there, don’t put love high in their list of values. Prestige of a job, how much you earn, brand of car and watch are all far more important. These more superficial values will do you good, because the word love etc. will hardly be mentioned. 5)
Sport and food
We all know it, sport is good for you, so dust off the gym club membership card and go there to let some of the energy out and feel how you slowly can feel yourself again. Enjoy the weight going down by going to the gym, and not having the same appetite for food, it is of course not healthy but who cares, you got no appetite, some will go for chocolate cakes, here I can recommend Chocolate Fudge from Mega Image, others will go for ice cream here I can recommend Haagen-Dazs from Mega Image. But don’t pour in tons of chocolate stuff, instead I can recommend Romanian carrots, easy to clean, put in a bag, and carry home - eating plenty fresh vegetables makes everyone feel better. If you've got the blues, chocolate will not make you better, just the opposite in the long term. 6)
Be good to yourself
Have this as a mantra in your head, be good to yourself, and accept that you are affected, that you are sensitive, feel numb and almost invisible. So go to one off the many places here, where you can get a facial treatment, have your hair done, nails, get a back massage, try something different like a gold face treatment, put your feet in a fish tank etc., there are a lot of options, where you can experience something new. 7)
Music
I once read, when you are happy you listen to music, when you are sad you listen to the lyrics, so try and hear classical music then you can avoid the lyrics problem. And yes if you are in a taxi, you call tell the driver to change the channel, when they again play.“Someone I used to know “or “When I walked I should have run” etc., songs that will just not be pleasant to listen to. 8)
Go for a walk, go out, but don’t drink
Walking is good, because you feel you are doing something, go around Lipscani, maybe you will bump into other expats and then suddenly you can sit and have a cozy dinner and think about something else. Go to exhibitions, museums, find out on the cultural calendars what is happening in town, but don’t drink your sorrows away. Too much alcohol will make you feel worse, and not have the uplifting effect you might expect, instead you will get the double blues and maybe even consider singing the national anthem of your home country, surprised about how good your voice actually is, when it is not. 9)
Clean, throw out and give away
Take this opportunity to clean every little centimeter of your home, go through your clothes, things etc, and make bags to throw away and to give away. Actually giving away some of your belonging to a person, who will be happy for it, will make you better. 10)
Unexpected moments
Then suddenly during all these feelings off misery and pain, you will meet by coincidence an angel, in my case Mr. Blue Eyes, and you will end up sitting for hours and hours and talk and talk together, wishing the conversation would never end and you will for a while forget about the sadness you are in, and you will laugh again, enjoy having a great talk with someone who doesn’t know you, you will feel lighter, some happiness will blossom in you again, and you will know everything will be okay, it will get better. Gracias Mr. Blue Eyes, thanks for the moments shared. What now? Honestly I don’t know. Maybe next week’s column will be about chocolate cake recipes, my new life in the monastery, or a story from the gym or something completely else, I am actually curious myself, so let’s see, time will tell.
By Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe, columnist
Eleonore is Danish, she holds a BA in Organization and Management and specializes in Corporate Communication & Strategic Development. She is also a Market Economist and a Multimedia Designer. She is currently working in Bucharest as the Executive Director of UAPR the Romanian Advertising Association. As a Danish Viking in Romania, with a great passion for ’covrigi’, she has a burning desire to find out more about Romania especially Bucharest, and enlighten the small differences in the culture between Denmark and Romania.. Her weekly columns will give you insights into an expats life in Bucharest written with humor and a big Danish smile.
