Bucharest city tales: Greetings in Romania – Kissing on the cheeks

Columnist Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe writes in her weekly column about life as an expat in Romania. This week she tells about how the Romanians greet each other when they meet, which is different from the Danish way of greeting.

Greetings in Romania are quite different compared to Denmark. In Romania the men kiss the women on the cheeks, one kiss on each cheek. This is something you will never experience in Denmark, in Denmark we shake hands or give each other a hug. And if a Danish man kisses you on the cheek it will be a clear signal of interest in more than a friendship. I clearly remember the first encounter I had with this Romanian “Kissing on the cheeks”, since it actually became quite an embarrassing scene. When I had my birthday party, I had not been living in Romania for long. During the late evening, I followed one of the male guests out, and when we said goodbye, he leaned towards me to kiss me on the cheeks to say goodbye. I, not knowing this custom, bended backwards almost in shock, thinking: “What is this now?”, and completely misunderstanding his intentions, but also being very confused because there had not been anything indicating such an interest during the evening. And as I recall, I stuttered: Are you trying to kiss me on the cheeks? He looked at me with a surprised and a bit confused look, and said: “It is a custom here”. I didn't know what to think of it, and I just crossed my arms and said: “I am sorry, but I won’t do this”. He walked away shaking his head slightly, probably thinking: “what a strange girl”, while I was thinking exactly the same about him. What now? Back then I thought that my moving to Romania was a disaster, he was a good friend of my friend, and I didn't know how to react to this, which for me was a clear sign of interest. I walked in again and found my friend. I am an honest person, so I decided to tell him what had happened, but I was worried for his reaction. When he saw me, he looked at me and said: “What's wrong, why are you looking so sad? I almost in a whisper told him: “Believe me I haven’t done anything, but as I said goodbye to Mr. X, he leaned over to kiss my cheeks.” I was almost in tears in despair, but he just laughed and said: “What do you mean? It is a custom here.” And then I almost burst into tears of confusion and said: “He said the same”. He then explained me about the custom of kissing on the cheeks in Romania, and we both began to laugh and I went on to have a great birthday party. Since then I have adjusted to this kissing on the cheeks, but I must admit I don’t do it myself, I just can’t get myself to kiss a man on the cheeks, even if I am friends with him, it just seems for me so odd, so I thought of just turning my head. And still I have the problem of which cheek they begin the first kiss on, not to end in any completely awkward situation, I have a tendency to sort of standstill, or just expect them to go left cheek first. Another thing with the Romanian greeting is the kiss of the hand, when you as a woman give out your hand, and the man kisses the hand. That is for me nicer, since it has the gentleman style over it. But one greeting that always puzzles me is “the none greeting”, which does not happens often but it happens. If I am standing next to a male friend at some event, a Romanian man who comes over, will say hello to my male friend either by shaking his hand or even kissing him on the cheeks, but to me, the woman they will just say 'Hello' to but not even shake my hand. Wven as an impulse I always stretch out my hand to say hello. Once I gave my hand and said hello to a man, and he looked at me and just said 'Do we know each other?'. I found that extremely rude. My first thought about men who don't even shake hands is always “how rude”, but then I remember where I am, and that it is not anything personal. It is just a cultural difference in the way of greetings. On the other hand, in Denmark we give each other a hug, both men and women, and this is like the kissing on the cheeks here, there is nothing to interpret in it, besides a sign of friendship, and we don’t even have to be really good friends to give each other a hug. But as a woman when you give a hug to a Romanian man, it will have a sometimes strange effect for me. I remember once I, without thinking, leaned over to give a Romanian man a hug, and he looked at me with a cheeky smile and said “You tried to give me a hug:, and then I was the one to look back in surprise. And I have received a remark from Romanian women: How come you are giving hugs to our men? And then I had to explain that it is just like kissing on the cheeks in Romania, it is just a Danish way of saying hello and goodbye. So sometimes the confusion can be complete; but don’t worry, if you're a Romanian, continue to kiss me on the cheeks, I have adjusted, and if I give you a hug, adjust too :)