Bucharest City Tales: Beware of the Romanian expat hunters…

Columnist Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe writes in her weekly column about life as an expat in Romania. This week she writes about the Romanian so called “expat hunters”, and about how far they will go in their pursuit of happiness to get an expat man into their lives. That is since they don’t value the depth that Romanian men can offer, and instead they strive for more shallow values in life. I will not generalize, as not all Romanian women are expat hunters. But some Romanian girls are not interested in Romanian men; they only hunt foreigners living in Romania, especially in Bucharest. For expats who move here and who are in relationships, these expat hunters seem to be a taboo; but they are something we, the women expats, talk about. We have all tried to hold hands in public with our spouse, when an expat hunter approaches. But it seems she can’t or won’t see the couple holding hands, wearing engagement or wedding rings. The expat hunter will make her move on your man just in front of your eyes, because she is on a mission, and the fact that this man is in a relationship is not relevant information for an expat hunter. I remember talking once with a Romanian girl, telling her that I had met a Romanian man. She looked at me with huge disappointment and said: “Why on earth would you be in a relation with a Romanian man, what does he do?”, indicating that as an expat in Romania, I should not get involved in a relationship with a Romanian man, which, according to her, would be a waste of time. I told her what he was doing, that he was working in an “ordinary” job, some would say, but that he had trained himself and within his field he was extremely skilled and praised by many for his extraordinary achievements. When I told her the name of his employer, she replied: “ah, not bad, then he probably earns around this and this,” and she named a high monthly salary. I remember how shocked I felt that she was actually calculating his salary in her head. That seemed for me such an absurdity! What about the fact that he was a great guy with a good heart? Well, that did not seem to be relevant for her. Her final advice was: “he seems to be ok (based on his workplace) but you should seek for an expat.” That conversation has stayed with me for a long time… I predict a short life experience in a good way for the expat hunters if she manages to get involved with an expat. After a while, she will notice how other expat hunters go after her man, and usually this will create quite interesting scenes, since both women know what this game is about, one woman will be clinging to her man, while the will be showing off like a peacock folding out its colorful tale. You can’t generalize and probably you shouldn’t, but stay away from these women-shoppers, from men who have a bunch of women around them. Usually this crowd consists of former girlfriends, potential contacts, and so on. But don’t blame Romanian men for women shopping; this is a game that goes both ways among women and men here. It is a lesson to learn, and instead of blaming try to observe and learn this game, so you can further grow too. When all this is said, then follow your heart, within your heart the words of wisdom will guide you. When you meet the one that is meant for you, you just know it. I remember once talking to an older lady in Denmark, when I was a young girl, maybe 13 or 15 years old, she was happily married( yes, happily married people do indeed exist) and I asked her how did she know that this man was “hers”, and she answered: “I just knew, it is as simple as that.” A friend of mine recently got married in India, and looking at their wedding pictures, since I could sadly not attend their wedding, one picture shows it all: two people in their colorful wedding suit and dress shining harmony in a loving and healthy relationship, that will only blossom each day, and make them stronger. Therefore don’t worry too much on whom you will meet on the road to “yours”, they are all experiences, they can be good or bad but they are all experiences. Simple pleasure, life´s greatest treasure.